Wide awake and dreaming

Here I am again on my blog. My neglected, boring, full of nothing blog. But why is that? If I'm writing, I'm doing something so it can't be boring or full of nothing. I shall treat it like cheap therapy. I don't care if it's interesting or not. It's good for me.

I have found out about so many different things lately or maybe I'm finally taking an interest in other things other than ME. Thinking about what's going on in my life all day long....whether I'm sleeping, eating, working or driving....what a waste of time! Just recently I have been paying attention to what people talk about...I'm not interrupting them because I think that if I don't say what I need to say at that moment, they won't listen. It's not true. The lightbulb went off and let me know that people will listen if YOU listen to them. They are not the people who raised you who didn't listen! These are not the people who meant well and did the best they can....I love my parents no matter what. God, it took forever to figure that out. But I am loving every minute of every little nugget I discover....I have opened myself up and that...is healing.

It's as if I have an open Google account in my soul now.

The guy tailgating me who's on the phone may not be an asshole. He may have a wife in the hospital about to give birth. IF he is an asshole, why would I feed on that and let it bug me for 6 seconds?

The lady who doesn't say "excuse me" or looks at me like I am a loser isn't necessarily impolite or a bitch. She might have something else on her mind. I might remind her of her best friend from college....whatever it is...it's not about ME.

I have opened up to the little things in everyday life. For example: Sleep is overrated. I slept too much yesterday and I am going to bed late tonight. Big deal. I'll sleep when I am tired. I won't blame my lack of sleep or too much sleep on anything that doesn't happen "a certain way" tomorrow. Like I have any control over it anyway. Ah, there's the rub: control. I can only control my actions. That's it.

I know it's annoying when I ramble. That's why I choose to do it here.

I love to write. I just fucking love it.

Thanks for reading. Good night!

So full of myself and sick of it!

Wow, look at me. I started blogging again. How could I have let such a thing go to the wayside? Did I not care? Did I get too self-absorbed in my bed of stinking pity? Did I let life get in the way? Hell yeah, I did. And it was quite a trip along the way back to reality, I must say.

I have found out so much about myself by looking away from that mirror of doubt, anger, hurt, sadness...shit, you name it, I felt it. I mean, really! WHY was I having to go through all of THIS???

Melissa finally got a fucking clue. Shit happens. Deal with it. Life happens. You deal with it. It doesn't have to be hard and it certainly doesn't have to make you a martyr!

My name is Melissa and I am a recovering martyr.

That's all I have right now.

And that's good enough.

Uh, wow. I can't believe I even remembered my password!!! I think I'll start blogging again. Writing is good for me and I need to do things that are good for me.